The Last Beat of My Heart
by Red Over White
Summary: Sirius's thoughts as he passed through the veil in the Department of Mysteries. Songfic. The song used is Siouxsie and the Banshees 'The Last Beat of My Heart.'


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, or the song.  
  
The song is by Siouxsie and the Banshees, "The Last Beat of My Heart." I strongly recommend listening to it.  
  
(please review, this is my first fanfic)  
  
******  
  
The Last Beat of My Heart  
  
Bellatrix screamed, once again 'Stupefy' passed through her thin lips. Her wand pointed at my chest as she prepared to send another stunning spell at me. It missed.  
  
"Come on, you can do better than that!" I yelled, laughing, knowing i would only make her angrier.  
  
Her heavily-lidded eyes lit up, in an almost sinister way. She looked at me intently. And she smiled. A horrible smile that made her skull-like face look horribly twisted. And she whispered...but it echoed through my mind as though she had screamed the words.  
  
"Avada Kedavra"  
  
And the green light came from her wand's tip. It hit me...a horrible feeling pounded in my chest. Everything seemed to go in slow motion...I saw the fight raging around me.  
  
Remus, Neville, and Dumbledore seemed to not know what was happening. Didn't anyone realize I was dying?  
  
Then, I saw the face I was looking for. Harry. His face, normally healthy-coloured, was paper-white.  
  
I knew it, I was dead...  
  
And I saw the look of horror on his face as I sank backward through the veil....  
  
---  
  
In the sharp gust of love   
  
My memory stirred   
  
When time wreathed a rose   
  
A garland of shame   
  
Its thorn my only delight   
  
War torn, afraid to speak   
  
We dare to breathe   
  
Majestic   
  
Imperial   
  
A bridge of sighs   
  
Solitude sails   
  
In a wave of forgiveness   
  
On angels' wings  
  
---  
  
Remus had told me why my godson and his friends had come here, to the Department of Mysteries.  
  
To save me. Harry had seen a vision of me being held captive by Voldemort.  
  
He risked the lives of his friends, and himself to save my life. Escaped, from Hogwarts. From the tyranny of Dolores Umbridge.  
  
All to save me? Did I deserve this? Did I really mean that much to my godson? I had wished for months that I did.  
  
And now I wished I was nothing but a stranger to him. He deserved so much more than this...He could have, and may die.  
  
But what mistake did I make, was I not supposed to care about him? If I didn't, he would not be here right now...  
  
If he died...If anyone died...  
  
I remember taunting him about not taking risks, such a stupid thing to do. And now I felt horrible about it, I wanted to apologize, but now I would never be able to. I think so highly of Harry, and he'll never know that.  
  
Harry seemed to want to come after me, but Remus held him back   
  
And as I heard him scream my name, I had a fleeting hope that if only my friend would let go of Harry's arm...yes, he could save me.  
  
I've only just gone through....  
  
---  
  
Reach out your hands   
  
Don't turn your back   
  
Don't walk away   
  
How in the world   
  
Can I wish for this?   
  
Never to be torn apart   
  
Close to you   
  
'Til the last beat   
  
Of my heart  
  
---  
  
And I heard laughter, harsh laughter from Bella, and I hated her. I wanted to hurt her. I wanted her to feel some of the pain and horror inside of me. But I could do nothing...  
  
There are so many things I wish I could have told Harry while I was alive...About what great people his parents were, he saw an image in Snape's pensive that gave him such a false impression. I wish he could know how much James and Lily loved each other, and him.  
  
And I, I had a false hope that that filthy rat Wormtail would be caught. And I would be free, never to think back to the dark days of Azkaban.  
  
But I was too foolish...  
  
I wanted to speak...to scream now...but I was paralyzed.  
  
I saw Harry and Remus walk away from the archway...and my worst fears were true...  
  
---  
  
At the close of day   
  
The sunset cloaks   
  
These words in shadowplay   
  
Here and now, long and loud   
  
My heart cries out   
  
And the naked bone of an echo says   
  
Don't walk away   
  
---  
  
I wish I could've been there for Harry more, I hoped that we could live together. I could take him away from that awful Muggle house forever.  
  
But I was there for him this time, and I comforted myself with this.  
  
Not even Lily or James could stop me from coming here tonight.  
  
I was there for Harry until my death...perhaps that was enough.  
  
But it hurt to see him walk...run away from where I laid dead. Shouting at Bellatrix.  
  
Oh God, he's going to try to avenge me.  
  
---  
  
Reach out your hands   
  
I'm just a step away   
  
How in the world   
  
Can I wish for this?   
  
Never to be torn apart   
  
Close to you   
  
'Til the last beat   
  
Of my heart  
  
---  
  
I would never speak to him again.  
  
I would see watch him grow into a man.  
  
I would see watch him get a life of his own.  
  
I would never tell him how much he meant to me.  
  
How I cared about him more than anything else in the world.  
  
Harry would never know how much I loved him...  
  
---  
  
How in the world   
  
Can I wish for this?   
  
Never to be torn apart   
  
'Til the last beat   
  
'Til the last fleeting beat   
  
Of my heart...  
  
--- 


End file.
